Ripped By mstoll
'You're having an affair, aren't you?
Helen, I'd be glad to talk to you, but not now, I mean...
wait till I get home, we'll talk then.
She can have you.
She can have all of you.
The bits that are nice,
the bits that are rotten,
the bits that love,
the bits that lie,
she can have the whole lot.'
- Alright, darling? - Yes, fine. Thanks.
It'll hurt for a day or two.
It's only my appendix, hardly a catastrophe.
'She's being nice.
Why is she being nice?
She's changed her mind.
She's relenting. She's not sure now.
I must talk to her.
About what?
Her and me? Maxine and me? '
I'd take some time off work now, if I were you.
Don't rush back. Take it easy.
Yes.
Helen?
I haven't had time to do much, I'm afraid.
Oh, you'll catch up.
Here's your washing.
Here's your ironing.
Excuse me.
Here's your lunch.
Oh, I'd like you to take care of the cat.
He meows outside when he wants to come in.
He has a cod liver oil capsule every other day.
- Helen. - I'll miss the cat.
What is this?
- I mean, can't we talk? - No.
You mean, you're just going to rush out hysterically?
No, Luke, I'm not going to rush out.
I'm going to stroll out, calmly.
You're going to stay here hysterically.
Forgive my outburst, please.
Only I've just come back from an operation,
my business is gasping, my wife is walking out,
my housework is piling up,
and I really do have a major decision to make concerning a hard boiled egg.
Don't go! Let's talk first.
See you.
Oh, by the way,
my car is sprawled out there with one of its headaches again.
So I'm taking yours.
Where are you going?
Oh, yes. That's a point.
Where am I going?
Helen!
I'm running a temperature!
Hm. There you are. Always hiding.
Still from now on, I'm not going to mind.
I'm going to accept the fact that we're lovers, not man and wife,
that we're secret.
That there are going to be moments, rather than years,
that I am the other woman,
with all its frustrations and its joys.
And that you are not going to be free.
- Hello? - Max.
Oh, Luke. Oh. Where are you?
I'm at home.
How, how do you feel?
Oh, fine. Great. Just great.
- Are you alone? - Well, yes, for a few minutes.
Helen has popped out.
Oh, Luke. And you rang me.
Look, I think you should take it easy for a couple of days,
don't rush back to work.
- That's what Helen said, yeah. - Well, she's right.
- I've missed you. - We must talk.
When can I see you?
Well, I don't think you should worry about that now.
I'll call in tonight.
Well, but, won't that cause trouble? It's your first night home.
7:30?
- Wonderful. - See you.
See you.
Come along. Come along. I'll give you a treat.
Fred.
When I have a lucky day, you have a lucky day.
Have another carrot.
Ooh.
Okay, Jamie, I'll do the deliveries now.
A lot of people are dying around here, you know.
We'll call it a day, sweetheart.
Oh, I'm just coming alive.
Oh, Gawd! A bout of happiness. I don't think I can stand it.
I found the answer, you know.
I thought I had. When it came to it, I couldn't kill Robert.
Too much mess.
The trouble with people like us is that we show our love.
We go round with neon signs in our eyes.
We offer ourselves completely. We should be more subtle.
I can't. I'm a slut.
You know, we make ourselves less available.
I used to plead with Luke to see him.
This morning when he phoned, I didn't even mention it.
Next thing I know, he's pleading with me.
Can I see you tonight?
'Don't rush', I said.
'Lt's your first night home.'
'7:30,' he said. That was that.
It's taken me all this time.
All that heartache. All that hurt.
Well, it wouldn't work with Robert. He's too fragile.
I only have to slam down a cup. He breaks the whole tea set.
I wonder why we hang on, why we don't just go, move on?
Well, it's known territory, isn't it?
It's like driving to a familiar place.
If we find someone new,
we've got to start to read the map all over again.
Well, I won't be long. Keep the till ringing.
Oh, Luke.
Um, St Mary's...
St Mary's City Hospital.
Aldwyck Road, Christobel Lane...
'Oh, God! I'm feeling jealous again.
She'll go home and eat and laugh and sleep with him.
I mean, it's not even as if she's ugly or fat.
You can see by Jamie's face, he's already beginning to wonder
what he sees in Robert.'
You say you had your appendix removed seven days ago?
I don't see any abnormality there.
Your heart's sound. Lungs good. You seem in pretty good shape.
You said you had tight feelings in the chest. When?
One today.
Half past 11.
I see. Is half past 11 today of any particular significance at all?
No. No.
- How's Helen? - She's fine.
Good.
She left me.
Today. Half past ten.
I see. So it could be said you're under considerable stress?
There is...
There is someone else.
Did she tell you this?
No, I mean me, I have someone else.
Does Helen know?
I don't know. She just accused me.
Without giving me any reason.
I mean, the thing is, I don't know what I'm doing any more.
I mean, I feel... evil.
That's it. Evil. I mean, I'm not evil, but I feel it.
I don't know who or what it's all for.
I look at one and I see years of being together.
Safe and comfortable.
I look at the other and I see moments of
ecstatic unleashed, unpredictable, insurmountable passion.
Yes, well, many a good, sound man has left this Earth uttering those words.
I just need time. That's all.
The thing to do, Luke, is to tell the truth.
Tell the simple truth to everybody.
Let the volcano erupt.
Let all hell fly,
and then one day you'll peep out from beneath the bed clothes
and all will be quiet.
That's what I did.
- I'm sorry. - It's alright.
- I was rushing things. - Yes.
- I have had my appendix out. - Yes.
- You're not angry, are you? - No.
- Disappointed? - No.
What then, what are you?
Happy.
Oh, come on. You can't be happy. I've just... I've just...
- Failed, I know. - Right.
- So you're livid? - No.
It's all right. I caught the tone in the voice.
That scathing, accusing tone.
And the look, I saw the look.
How could you? It's dark.
Oh, when a man's demoralised,
nature tries to compensate by giving him nocturnal sight.
What time is it?
What's the matter, Luke?
Helen has left.
Gone.
Walked out.
Left.
What happened?
She found out about us.
- You mean, she's seen us together? - No.
I don't know.
She just accused me of having an affair.
She wouldn't even talk to me. Anyway, she's gone.
Now perhaps you'll appreciate why, when a neighbour passes the car,
I leap beneath the dashboard.
No, she can't have seen us together.
She came into my shop this morning to buy flowers.
She came into the shop?
She'd never have done that if she'd known it was me.
Oh, great, all this concern for you. What about me?
What about her?
You think I haven't thought about that?
You think I haven't thought about her? You? You? Her?
Do you think I enjoy this goddamn trio?
So when did she find out?
When I was in the hospital. A week ago.
A week ago? So when did she leave?
Today.
I wondered how you managed to escape tonight.
I thought it was need, you know.
Need to be with me. The all-consuming, top priority,
desperate need to be with me.
I was wrong. I'm always wrong!
Can't get it right, can I?
So what's the pattern now then?
Are you mine every night now?
- Now she's gone. - I don't see it like that.
Well, that's because you're lying where you're lying
and I'm lying where I'm lying.
I was going to tell her anyway. You know that.
What were you waiting for?
The right moment? The right day? The end of the world?
Or for her to go and save you the trouble?
- All right. No need to scream. - I'm not screaming!
It sounds like screaming to me.
'When are you going to be free? ' You kept saying. Well, now I'm free.
You are not free.
You were dismissed.
I give up. I give up. I commit my patience to rest.
You have a nerve, Luke Mansel.
Oh, I've got a surname now, have now? It's not Lukey Poo any more.
You have a nerve! You creep into my house.
- I did not creep into your house. - Oh, we creep!
We always creep!
Nobody creeps as permanently as we do.
You crept into my house.
You didn't even mention that your wife has left you.
And within two minutes, you've got me safely in the bed.
I put the key in the door, I called your name.
'Max, I said, are you there? '
'Oh, Luke! ' you cried with unleashed joy.
We opened a bottle of wine.
- We talked. - We did not talk.
'How are you? ' I said. 'Fine', you said.
- Then what? - You wiggled about a bit.
- Then we went to bed. - Exactly.
Not exactly. We went to bed.
It was mutual. I did not tow you up the stairs.
You led all the way, like the Olympic torch carrier.
- Only wiggling. - You did not tell me about Helen.
- Max. - The times I've waited for you.
I've waited to hear the key in the door.
I've waited for you to say, 'Hey, how about breakfast then? '
Okay.
I know how to fix this. How about breakfast then?
You bastard.
It was a joke. I've tried everything else.
Oh, God! Why don't I just go out and get run over?
Oh, that's it, take the easy way out.
I am a mere man.
Weak from life. Searching for peace.
Well, then go home and get some!
Could I have my clothes, please?
They're all over the house.
Pick them up yourself.
That's good of you to come, Simon.
I'm fine.
It was nothing, was it? Appendix.
Oh.
- I thought she'd be pleased, Simon. - No.
No, they're never pleased.
And I thought Helen would...
Well, show some emotion.
She drove me home.
Calling me darling.
And smiling.
She pointed to a pile of washing, a mountain of dishes, a dirty house,
and a boiled egg, and left.
Wasn't even a free range egg.
Well, at least she left you.
When Nancy goes, I have to leave her.
She just puts all my stuff in bin bags
and dumps them outside the flat.
Yeah, but your situation is different, Simon.
I mean,
you and Nancy keep
coming and going from each other, there's no one else involved.
How I hate Nancy.
But yours is a love and hate thing, Simon.
I mean, it's like hunger.
When you're full up, you leave the table.
When you're hungry, you back to it again.
Mine is not knowing when you're full up.
Eating twice as much as you want and being sick all the time.
You know, sometimes when I look at Nancy,
I can see her turning into a reptile.
I imagine people carrying handbags made out of her.
Oh, God.
What a mess!
Well, there's only thing you can do with a mess.
- Clean it up. - Oh, sorry, do you want a biscuit?
Oh, I'd love one, yeah.
I'm lost here.
In a jungle of domesticity.
Jesus, where does she keep the biscuits?!
- It says biscuits there. - Oh, yes.
I don't know where Helen is.
I've checked her mother's, she's not there.
I can't talk to Helen.
And my other person won't talk to me.
Yeah, well, trouble is you're available now.
The mystery's gone. The enigma.
I mean, your other person liked it better when you were tethered.
Yeah, but she was always saying, 'When can we be together?
How long is this thing going to go on? When are you going to tell her? '
Yeah, when will you tell her. I mean, that's an act of commitment, isn't it?
That is you saying, 'I'm giving all this up for you, my love.'
But when the wife goes, that's saying, 'Oh well, she's gone. You'll do.'
Yeah, but how can I know this, Simon?
How can I know what devious things goes on in a woman's head,
when she's got a face that looks like a little field mouse?
I mean, where do I start, Simon?
Well, you start by deciding who you want.
Then you hope to God that she wants you.
It'll work out, I thought.
Love works out. Oh.
Yeah, well, the thing to do is wait.
Don't go charging in there with promises.
I mean, that's like turning out a jelly before it sets.
Just, just rest a while.
I should never have let this thing get started with my other person.
I'm a married man.
Now I suppose there will be a divorce.
This is mine, this is yours.
I hate that bloody hoover.
Well, now you know how I feel about Nancy.
Hello?
Oh.
Some fool on the pip, Simon. Hello?
- Luke, it's Helen. - Helen, where are you?
I need to come and collect some things.
When can I come round?
Any time.
You can come any time.
I'd like to come when you're out.
Okay. Well, I'll be out.
- I didn't mean... - No, no, no.
I was going to be out anyway. I mean...
Uh, for the afternoon. Alright? Um...
I've... I mean, it's not...
I've got some shopping to do, and go to the dry cleaners.
Hm.
That was Helen. She, um,
wants to come and collect some things.
See you, my friend.
Maxine. It's me, Jamie.
Coming.
- Hello, Jamie. - Hi. Thanks.
Oh, come on, sweetheart. This is no way.
Where are you going to go, for God's sake?
Somewhere.
So you're going to sit in a hotel room tonight,
or by yourself, is that it?
All by myself?
No. Not any more. I've done the all by myself bit.
He is the only person in the world
you can have an affair with all by yourself.
I used to have friends once, lots of friends.
Look. Iris Connolly, Penny Longton,
Joseph Summers, my best friend, Jenny.
We used to spend hours chatting and eating together.
She got married, she went to Canada, never even written back. Why?
- Because of him. - Where?
Before she left, Jenny gave me the key to her cottage.
Use it, she said. So I'm going.
I'm going to breathe new air, have new thoughts,
come back a new person.
Running away's no answer, sweetheart.
It's like taking sleepers, you know. Eventually you have to wake up.
Oh, I'm not running away.
I'm leaving.
People who leave have more notice taken of them.
She left, didn't she? He wasn't even going to...
You will take care of the outside rabbits, won't you?
- Yes, of course. - And the shop.
- Yes. - And I need the van.
I'll use my old thing.
Look, sweetheart. It's bad for him too, you know.
I mean, having two people in your life.
- Wow, that's... - Like what?
Like having your cake and eating it?
I've never seen anybody eat that much cake and come out happy.
I used to have fantasies about Helen leaving him.
We'd be living in the country
with birds singing in the window of a little cottage.
We'd be having breakfast in the orchard and I'd loll about,
all in white, gloriously pregnant.
It's funny, I was always thundering towards labour in my fantasies.
Pregnant so often, I've gone off the whole thing now.
Well, he's available, no more mysteries,
just a guy limping in with all his imperfections.
Look, how about dinner? You and me. We can have a natter.
Do you know? If only he'd told Helen about us.
Instead of waiting for her to find out.
And let's face it, she was bound to find out, wasn't she?
I mean, he's hopeless at deceiving people.
He used to dress up like the Mafia just to
get from his car to my front door.
- Come on, help me with the animals. - Right.
Anyone at home?
Oh!
I was just leaving.
Oh.
Thank you.
Oh... Uh, keys.
I forgot my keys.
Oh, God!
Can I help you at all?
Hello?
Yes, she's here. Yeah, hold on.
It's for you.
Phone!
Your mother.
Hello. She seems to have gone out.
Yeah. No, I'm fine, thanks.
Yeah, well. Just a bit sore, that's all.
Yes, um, I should think she'll be back in about an hour.
Yeah. She's probably gone to the shops, yes.
Yeah. I'll get her to ring.
Okay. Bye.
Your mother. Would you ring her?
You got what you want, I see.
Blue suits you. It looks nice.
It's super to see you, Helen.
You look amazing.
I didn't want to upset mother.
It'll only be for a few days.
Till I get myself sorted out.
It's not the best day to arrive, of course.
It's nanny's day off.
And the children are playing up, as if you didn't know.
And Ralph and I have got this dinner tonight.
Timothy! Claire!
Stop it at once, do you hear me?
But tomorrow, we can talk all day.
God, I'm going to be late. I'll just finish off the dishes.
Make yourself at home.
Oh, Watership Down is on telly tonight.
You could all sit up and watch it.
They're no trouble.
Timothy, shut up, do you hear me?
Right, chaps, here we are.
Oh, God!
Ripped By mstoll